Well folks, it’s that time of year again.

One of my favorite times of the year, that magical season when the leaves start changing, the weather starts cooling down, and Grandpa suddenly develops a very serious medical condition known as “I Can’t Hear You, the Football Game Is On.”

That’s right, fall is here, which means football season is here!

From September through February, my schedule is pretty much booked solid. Thursday through Monday, Grandpa will be parked comfortably in his recliner with his favorite beverage and a snack within arm’s reach.

And let me make this perfectly clear:

Do NOT get between Grandpa and the television.

I’m serious.

You might think you’re just walking across the living room, but from Grandpa’s perspective, you just committed an act of aggression against the entire household.

And whatever you do, don’t start talking to me while the game is on.

“Oh, Grandpa, did you—”

SHHHHHHH!

“Can you—”

THE GAME IS ON!

“But I just wanted to—”

COMMERCIAL!

And yes, I realize that makes absolutely no sense. But this is football season, and normal household rules have been temporarily suspended.

You’ve got NFL football on Thursday, Sunday and Monday. Then you’ve got college football on Friday and Saturday. Throw in a few games scattered throughout the week, and pretty soon Grandpa’s calendar looks like a football schedule with a few doctor appointments accidentally written in.

And then there are the teams.

My college team is Nebraska, and my NFL team is the Denver Broncos. Those are my teams.

But don’t let that fool you.

When Nebraska or the Broncos aren’t playing, whatever team happens to be on television is now my favorite team.

I know, I know… that sounds like cheating.

But I prefer to call it being an equal-opportunity football fan.

Besides, when Nebraska or Denver plays, that’s when things get serious. That’s when Grandpa becomes a little more emotionally invested.

A Nebraska loss might ruin my afternoon.

A Broncos loss might ruin my evening.

A bad call by a referee?

Well, let’s just say that referee might suddenly become the dumbest human being to ever put on a striped shirt.

And if my team wins?

Well, then Grandpa is everyone’s best friend again.

So, consider this an official warning to my family and friends:

Thursday through Monday, Grandpa is OFF LIMITS.

Phone calls should be limited to emergencies.

And by emergencies, I mean things like:

• The refrigerator is on fire.
• The house is flooding.
• Someone won the lottery and needs help counting the money.
• Nebraska is playing.

Everything else can wait until Tuesday.

Now, I know I’m not the only one who gets like this. I know plenty of people who are just as bad as I am, and some of them are probably worse.

I’ve even managed to pass this wonderful tradition down to my son, and now my grandson is getting introduced to the family football obsession.

And honestly, I couldn’t be prouder.

Some families pass down heirlooms.

Some pass down recipes.

We pass down the ability to yell at the television because the coach obviously has no idea what he’s doing.

That’s tradition.

And I can only hope my son passes it to his kids, my grandson passes it to his kids, and someday generations from now, some great-great-grandkid of mine will be sitting in a recliner yelling at a television:

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PLAY?!”

And I’ll be looking down from wherever old football fans go when they retire and thinking…

Yep. That’s my boy.

So, that’s enough from Grandpa for now.

I’ve got a football game to watch, a snack to eat, and a recliner that has been waiting patiently for me all day.

Until next time, remember:

Football season isn’t just a season…

It’s a lifestyle.

That’s enough outta me for now. But don’t worry, I’ve got plenty more to say next time.
Grandpa (Professional Ranter and Amateur Philosopher)